


On That Day

by phoenixjustice



Series: The Road Not Taken [3]
Category: Dresden Files - Jim Butcher
Genre: M/M, Romance, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-23 00:24:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/616018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Proven Guilty, sequel to Strange Magic. Part 3 of the Road Not Taken verse.</p><p>Even if I didn't realize it then, I chose on that day I looked at his sleeping face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On That Day

: :: :

_I'm a Demon; it's my nature, something I cannot change. As much as I long to._

_I don't see morality as easy as some people can. I was brought up in a twisted and cold enviroment. My "father" has been no father to me. My siblings have been all but nonexistant to me other than Inari and Lara, though the latter of the two has shown some strange familiar love-such as trying to kill me._

_But death threats are nothing new to me. I've been dealing with them since I was quite young-all my other brothers before me having been killed by my father. Not out in the open-that would be the greatest affront to the White Court! Oh no, instead it was by means of spying and catspaws, the usual means of the White Court._

_After all, it was more...elegant to kill in the shadows, rather being a big ugly brute and doing everything in the front. Or at least that's what we're all taught as soon as we learn of the White Court. I grew up ignorant of it until I was in my early twenties and when it finally came upon me...I fed; and for every White Court Vampire, the first feeding is always one that kills the one being fed upon._

_I was shocked with what had happened, but there was no going back. Things had changed, forever,as had I, and they would not change back. Just like how the passing years would keep me the same age as ever; I would grow older, but I would not age as other people would. I am effectively immortal. I can be killed, but I will never die of old age._

_One would think it a plus, but the years can be terribly lonely without someone by your side. I've learned that the hard way._

_I met Justine when she was sixteen. She was beautiful, if damaged, from the start. But she cared about me, as I her. She had been there for me when I could rely on no one else. When I needed release, whether sexually or just from stress, she was there._

_She did everything she could to help me. I suppose it was inevitable that we would fall in love with each other, being each other's constant companion for years, but it was the one thing I was trying to avoid._

_Love for us White Court, at least for us Raith's, is the greatest weakness to us. For all that we are not affected by Holy Items, or Sunlight or Garlic or anything else of the sort. Love, true love, burns us hotter than any fire._

_We had fallen in love with each other. Which was a death sentence to our relationship._

_I almost killed her._

_Not meaning to, of course, but I had been hurt very, very badly and my father had taken it upon himself to make sure that I was sent to my room where she resided so I would feed upon her and kill her. I knew he was disgusted that I had become so close to a doe-to food._

_I held back, barely, but she survived it. We couldn't be together like we were anymore, having confirmed our love. It nearly killed me, not being able to be with her anymore. I loved her more than I thought I could ever love anything. I had been afraid to love anything, and I loved her too much, so we couldn't be together._

_Of course it wouldnt be till later that I would realize that feelings can be different than you think..._

_I had known about him for a very long time, but I didn't want to intrude on his world._

_Harry Dresden. My brother. ...my lover._

_It had been a shock to meet him at Bianca's Masquerade. He was taller than I imagined. I had only seen a few glimpses of him, and that had been from far away. He had this perpetually grumpy expression on his face that I found wanting to make go away. I was facinated._

_A brother. Something that I had never had, for all the others by my father had been killed before I was born. This brother was not from my father, only my mother. We had different fathers, but that didn't mean that we were brothers any less._

_I was afraid to get too close to him then, not sure if I would, or could, ever tell him that we were brothers. So I watched him instead. Watched first hand the kind of person he was._

_Fierce, full of energy and passion, a man who stood against the Dark and fought back. To be completely unafraid would be idiotic. No he was no idiot. He feared, but he was also one stubborn bastard who refused to fall. He would fight, and fight Evil, would never give in. A damned_ _chivalrous_

_guy, but one I found I liked. I hadn't expected to like him as much as I did._

_Many things happened and eventually I had been forced to reveal our heritage to him. He hadn't believed me at first, had been angry, and I can understand. He had been an orphan since his father died when he was six-Justin DuMorne, the bastard, hadn't been a real father figure to him._

_Our mother had died when Harry was born. I sympathized with him. I essentially had always been an orphan too. I lost our mother when I was five, when she left, and I had never had a father-not a real one. We, Harry and I, were more alike than I realized in the beginning._

_We had a lot in common and I liked him._

_I was there for him many times, and he was there for me. We were brothers._

_He let me stay with him when I needed a place to stay, and we did things for each other. It wasn't always a perfect situation, but we were family and we stuck together through everything._

_Things began to unravel when Necromancers came to town._

_It was also my fault, even if it had happened in a small moment. A small, simple thing that changed everything for me. I came back into the basement apartment-he lives, lived, in a basement apartment in a old boardinghouse-and find Harry sleeping on the couch._

_He had weird hours sometimes, so I wasn't surprised to find him asleep in the middle of the day. He overworked himself alot and to find him not having been able to get to his bed wasn't that unexpected. I remember putting the bag of groceries I had down and go over, starting to put the blanket at the foot of the couch over his tall body and I freeze._

_I glance into his face, heart beating more rapidly all of a sudden. I didn't understand it. It was just Harry, my brother Harry. ...But I did. Didn't want to admit it to myself, of course, but I knew what it was I was feeling. Gulping slightly, mouth dry, I put the blanket over him, nearly jumping out of my skin when he mumbles in his sleep and turns over._

_The Raiths, the whole of the White Court as well, was fucked up. Even so...I didn't want to be like some of them. I didn't want to feel something I shouldn't. I had to have_ _**some** _ _moral values. I couldn't...like him. I couldn't think that he was a handsome man. That I probably realized it long ago but refused to acknowledge it, even to myself. And he was a handsome man._

_I ragged on him sometimes, joking around, but honestly he really was attractive. I don't think he realizes it. He catches many a eye; Molly, Sergeant Murphy and others see it. I don't dare to tell him though-I can only imagine his reaction. It was something I didn't want to realize about myself, that I could desire someone I shouldn't._

_But I kept it in control, kept my feelings at bay. Simple._

_Until Harry all but offered himself on a silver fucking platter for me._

_I had been injured, not gravely, and he said that we needed to have as much power and strength as we could get to fight the Necromancers that had come into town. They were trying to complete a ritual-which would make whoever cast it a Power in their own right, on par with some of the most powerful beings in the known universe._

_He offered...and I took._

_Not because I was Hungry-I was, had been for awhile but I had gotten fairly used to holding it back as well as I could-but because I wanted him. It was the perfect opportunity that I never expected to have. I made it the best experience I could for him; made him feel pleasure, made him cry out, but I did not feed on him. I...couldn't. I didn't want to psychically tie him to me, make him feel want for me the way and addict needs drugs, or cigarettes, or whatever their addicted to. I didn't want that._

_Even if I wanted him...not that way. I refused to give into my darker nature._

_I hadn't expected to be with him again._

_The time between the first time and the second was not insanely long. By then I had moved out of his apartment into one of my own, much larger ones over on the Gold Coast. The talk he had called me about had been a long time in the making. Things had been...awkward between us after we slept together, but we tried to push past that and we had gotten to a point of near normalcy again._

_Things had quickly escalated; I had been unable to take his close presence anymore. I couldn't hold back. I thought I had done something wrong, made him hate me, but...he kissed me back._

_He_ _**wanted** _ _me._

_I started to let things escalate into bliss, because if I thought about it too much...then I would realize that I had fallen in love with him. I couldn't accept it, couldn't acknowledge it. It had to stay hidden, in the deepest depths of my heart and I couldn't ever remember that it was there._

_...Until he, once more, turned things on its head and afterwards, when we were spent upon my bed, told me that he loved me._

_I was afraid._

_I was beyond afraid._

_I had already lost one person before, and I couldn't go through with that again. I loved him greater, and because of that, I had to forget it. But Harry being who he is, pushed forward, head-on, against whatever was in his way._

_I was afraid._

_-I touch his face now, lightly, watching him as he slept.-_

_And then I touched him._

_I didn't understand it. And I don't understand it now._

_-I lick my dry lips. He had already said it and changed things, and I wanted to be able to tell him. "I love you too." Damn, was my voice that hoarse? "I love you, Harry."-_

_It doesn't burn me._ _**He** _ _doesn't burn me when I touch him. By all rights, within all I, and everyone who knows anything about White Court know, it should be agony for me to touch him. But it isn't._

_It's a blessing I don't understand, but it's one I didn't expect to have so I will take it._

_Even if I didn't realize it then, I chose on that day I looked at his sleeping face._

_I will stand by him, I will embrace him, I will kiss him. I will love him. He will not be lonely because I will be there. Even if this road we are on is Dark, I will accept it and I will be there with him to the end._

_No matter what happens._

_: :: :_

 


End file.
